How to Stay True to Yourself in College

Three Things Someone Told Me Before My First Year of College

Lessons I carry with me and want to pass on to you.

“You are amazing just the way you are.”

“You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.”

“Don’t try to fit in with the crowd when you are made to stand out.”

Someone shared these three things with me before I started college, and they have stayed with me ever since. I want to pass them on to you.

College is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself. You are surrounded by people who don’t know your dating history, your family, how you were in high school, or any personal information unless you’ve chosen to share it. This is a special position to be in, because you have the ability to present yourself in a whole new light. For the most part, you get to control the narrative around your life and identity. And as they say, with great power comes great responsibility. You are the captain of your own ship, and you should know what you bring to the table.

You Are Amazing Just the Way You Are

There is only one you, which makes you unique. Whether that be the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, the food you like to eat, or the values you hold for yourself, that’s what makes you who you are. Please don’t go into college looking for something that someone else can give you.

For example, it’s great to make new friends, but if you rely on those friends to tell you how beautiful or handsome you are, how intelligent you are, or how fun you are to be around, you step into dangerous territory. You’re allowing other people to dictate how you see yourself, and you should never give anyone that much power. You have the power to choose how you show up for yourself, and that same principle applies in friendships. You don’t need anyone to tell you how beautiful you are. You should tell yourself that. I know that might sound egocentric, but it’s not. It’s about showing love to yourself before you expect others to show love to you.

A good friend knows how to acknowledge and show up for you without being asked. You shouldn’t have to fish for compliments. My parents used to tell me before leaving the house that I am a Daniels and I am a child of God. They affirmed me, but they also reminded me of my identity. You can do that for yourself too. You are somebody.

You Don’t Have to Prove Yourself to Anyone

There will be many opportunities to prove yourself when it comes to academics, work, and other things within your control. However, when it comes to relationships and friendships, you should be confident in what you bring to the table. There will be many people who try to test your character, push your boundaries, and see what you allow. Some peers may even try to manipulate you into doing things you normally wouldn’t do.

There will probably be a time when you feel the pull to fit in with the popular crowd, and yes, cliques still exist in college. Everyone around you is at a different season of life. Some people have a great balance of school and social life. Others focus heavily on social life and less on academics. Some focus solely on being well known. Here is a simple rule: if someone’s lifestyle or words don’t align with their actions, don’t take advice from them. Don’t worry about the opinions of people who don’t truly value you or see you for who you are. Stay focused on the people and things that are actually moving you forward.

Don’t Try to Fit in With the Crowd When You Are Made to Stand Out

Being like everyone else is overrated. It takes more courage to stand out than it does to stick to the mold. Society already puts too much pressure on people to follow trends, conform to everyday norms, and fall in line. But when everyone falls in line, no uniqueness is born. Where is the creativity? Where are the geniuses, the performers, the artists?

Think about the inventors, leaders, athletes, and faith leaders who have made a significant impact on the world. The most influential people in history were not afraid to stand out. Not compromising your values is one of the greatest powers you can hold. Once you embrace who you truly are and stop worrying about what others think, you create room to do great things. Try new things, fail, and try again. When you stop performing for others, you become free to discover what you are actually capable of.

As you walk onto campus for the first time, carry these three reminders with you. You are amazing just the way you are. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. And you were never meant to fit in,  you were made to stand out.